I love Memphis. today i had people call me and report shit talking that they've heard about me. Since I care so much about what you think of me, I would like for you to set me straight and point me in the right direction, please.
First I heard someone called me a slut. I don't call people sluts. We're all adults and adults sometimes fuck each other. Hopefully you're having grown up responsible sex because there's alot of people out there trying to give their diseases away to you. I think what's important is the reasons why you fuck. I think most people fuck for their self esteem. It makes them feel wanted and attractive. Not me. I realized a long time ago that sex is easy. Anyone can get laid at any time. If you have one ounce of self confidence you could walk in to a bar right now and find someone who will fuck you. Once you realize this fact, you can become more selective about who you fuck. Most people are out there desperately trying to validate themselves. Wow, you got laid. You did something that every living creature has done since the beginning of time. Now you can walk with your chin up and stop crying over your Hagen- Das for at least 3 days until the buzz wears off.
I like fucking as much as the next person, but I do not fuck everyone who would let me because: A) The world is rife with shit like Herpes and Babies, which are coincidentally, my TWO BIGGEST FEARS ON THE GODDAMN PLANET. and B) people are too fucking clingy. It's that insecurity/ desperation thing again. People do not feel valid unless they are in a relationship. A wise man, Luke Hall once said "Desperation is a stinky perfume". You think if no one likes you then you will turn in to a pumpkin, so you try to suck the soul out of anyone who gave you attention once. C) I realize that often times people will make better friends than fuck buddies and I'd rather be friends with them forever than fuck them and then it turn awkward. I've got a ton a friends that are girls, some of which are smokin hot that I have no interest in fucking because of the aforementioned reason.
So why am I a slut again? What fucking grade are you in?
Now to address the second round of shit talk where I'm an asshole. I found out that several people feel this way about me because I went on a date or two with them AND DID NOT FUCK THEM OR TRY TO FUCK THEM. I'm sorry I didn't ask you on a second date. Maybe I smelled that desperation on you. If I did fuck you would you be saying I was a slut? Maybe i sensed you'd be so petty and shallow to talk shit about me because I have a life and my world didn't stop for you. I'm sorry i didn't make you feel special. I'm sorry i don't want to stand around Black Lodge with you for an hour having this conversation: "What about this one?". "Oh, I've seen that". "What about this one?" "I've seen that one too". I'm sorry i don't want to lay on the couch eating Ben and Jerry's with you. "You want Chunky Monkey? We had that last time. I want Moose Tracks". I'm sorry I don't want to meet your parents and go to awkward family thanksgivings with you. I'm fucking busy. I'm trying to make something of myself. Get out of my fucking face and get a hobby.
A well meaning friend recently said they would like to see me find a nice girl and settle down. This is not my primary focus in life right now. I spent 12 years in all of my adult life in committed relationships. I learned alot from them and respect those people and don't regret any of it. But I'm 33 now and everyday I have to get up and go labor just to make rent. I don't get to get up everyday and do exactly what i want to do. THAT is my primary focus in my life right now. Being the ultimate person that I always dreamed of being. If i meet someone along the way that perfectly compliments me then great, but I think you really find those things when you aren't looking for them. I don't believe in the soul mate anymore. I think you can have beautiful experiences with people and you don't have to pledge your life to them. Plus, the last person I seriously dated turned out to be a pathological liar and a psychopath, so maybe that has something to do with it.
Look at all the divorces going on. I think that people look at everyone they date and think :"maybe it's you". We've been sold too many fairy tales and we try to measure everyone up to this ideal mate in their head. Everyone will fall short of your ideal. Do you think I'm jaded? I think I'm realistic and healthy in my attitudes towards sex and relationships. I'm trying to complete myself instead of looking for someone to complete me. I understand that nothing lasts forever and am not afraid to let go anymore. I would never try and cling to someone ever again out of fear. I'm too old to date someone for a year or two and then go through another fucking breakup. Plus, being single is rad. I do what I want when I want. I don't have to check in with anyone, listen to anyones problems or feelings or entertain anyone. I don't need it. All I need is me and my dog, so fuck all o' yall.
I guess you can't please everyone. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. One person's slut is the next person's asshole. My question is: why do you care? Who the fuck am I? Why am I even on your fucking radar? I'm just an overly opinionated asshole trying to have a meaningful life. From now on my name should taste like shit in your mouth. Over and out.
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