The Party Bus, Dragon Cunt and Friendships

   Camille's party bus was amazing. I had such a great time and it makes me really appreciate the friends I have in my life.


but at the beginning of the night I saw THAT person. The person that I feel betrayed me as a friend above all others. Let me just say that I'm truly happy with where I'm at in my life. Mentally, physically and spiritually I've never been better. I pride myself on the friendships that I've made and maintained in my life. I never like to fully let someone go, if I once called you my friend. We have so much to learn from one another and even if we are apart for awhile it's always good to get together and share what we've done and where we're at and reflect on one another.
   I saw Dragon Cunt tonight. She showed up at the bar where me and my friends were. Now, I don't feel that I'm an overly dramatic person. I also pride myself on my understanding of human nature. People are people and you can't count on anyone fully. You just can only be a good friend and treat people with respect and hope that others will do the same. I'm friends with all my major girlfriends I've had and I have an immense amount of love and respect for those people. It's OK to realize that it's not healthy to be with someone, but still love them as a person. I am thankful for everyone of them in my life and I hope they know that. In relationships I value friendships above sex and It's always been about so much more than that.


   So when I see her and she looks away and pretends not to see me it makes my stomach drop. It's not like I want to be with her. It's not like I pine for those good times. I more mourn for that loss of friendship. and I can't understand not wanting to make things cool and achieve this mutual level of respect. Then we can reflect on the good times and how we've grown and smile about it. Now, it's just regret...no, I can't say that....I don't regret a thing.
I used to think I was this inhuman monster. Incapable of loving someone selflessly. I tried so hard in my long relationships to where it was unhealthy, but i was still trying, because of the respect that I DID have for those people. I used to beat myself up because I thought "who am I to question and be unsatisfied with these amazing people in my life?" But the world showed me cold. It showed me inhuman and disrespectful. It showed me someone who uses people and spits them out, demonizes them and forgets them. And that person is not me. I've been shown that the love I had for those people was and IS real, even if it means you don't have to hold on so tight to some people.
   Tonight I hung out with some good friends. I hung out with old friends that I've been missing. I strengthened relationships that were barely there and I made brand new friends. And I'll fight to keep those people in my life, because I can only truly see myself reflected in their eyes. It just sucks that I was used by a sick person, an insane person. I can't fathom one day being someone's best friend and the next, wishing they would fall off the planet. I make my friends for life and i hope I will always be this way.