As a child I was abused by Optimus Prime, Sargent Slaughter and Orko

I should have named this blog "I'm gonna piss in your Cheerios". I know I can be a Negatron sometimes and I do all my shopping at Negamarket, but who wants to hear about happy feelings and positivity and shit?
 
 Somehow people got it in to their crazy heads on Facebook that if you change your profile picture to a cartoon character from your past that it will magically stop child abuse. Ummm....what? I find it interesting to see the cartoons that people remember fondly. For the guys, I see a lot of GI Joe, Transformers and He Man.

For the girls: Jem, She Ra and Strawberry Shortcake. We as adults are getting nostalgic over cartoons we watched on tv. We spent our sacred minutes in our formidable years plopped in front of the tv with a bowl of Froot Loops watching these shows. But did you know this?
  
The He Man franchise is owned by Mattel which also owns Barbie, and a SHITLOAD OF OTHERS. GI Joe is owned by Hasbro which also owns Transformers, Jem, M.A.S.K and other classics as well as the Star Wars toys. My point is that the cartoons we loved as a child were produced by toy companies and when you watched them in your Fruity Yummy Mummy induced coma,
 then you had to sit through commercials for the toys of the very characters you were getting attached to in the show. Our fond memories were of a half hour commercial with commercials. Then you would get up and go bug your parents to buy you Starscream for Christmas, but they were too worn out from their shitty day job and failed marriages to fuck with you, so they'd say "Get out of my fucking face you little snot nosed shit. go watch tv". Then they'd feel bad and want to prove their love so they'd buy you a bunch of toys for Christmas and run up their credit card bill, and be forced to work extra hours at their shit job just to pay it off.

You wanted to show off to your friends how cool you are because you own such an awesome toy, so you bring it with you to the shitty private school you go to because your parents don't want you to go to school with black people. You show off your new Grimlock toy only to discover that fucking Sayle Robinson's parent bought him Snake Mountain!

 Now all the hot girls want to bone Sayle and not you because you have inferior toys. But look, Glen Mellon doesn't have ANY TOYS because his family is poor and they even have to get help from the school with tuition because his family doesn't want him to go to school with black people either, so instead of moping and feeling sorry for yourself you turn on Glen and berate him for his lack of toys and the Kmart BoBo brand clothes he's wearing.

   But you see, it's not Glen's fault. His dad used to work for Hasbro, but got laid off when the company moved to China. You see, the CEOs were not making enough of a profit because of all those pesky union and environmental regulations they had to follow here in the states. But in China, all that shit goes out the window and the toys are made by underage kids who would never be able to afford sugary cereal, shitty plastic toys or snotty private schools. They are made by little Lai Ming who worked until she lost a hand in an accident and then was forced to work as a whore on the streets of Beijing, producing a slew of illegitimate children who are now being groomed for life in the sex trade, but some of them are deformed because of the toxic effects of toy manufacturing in the area, so they only beg on the streets with their little up turned flipper hands.

   Turn off the fucking tv, don't buy your kids sugary bullshit cereal, don't be so wrapped up in money that you can't spend time with your kids, don't send them to shitty, snobby private schools and don't buy them all these bullshit toys. CAPITALISM creates abused children and fucked up people. Everyone go outside. Anyone know whatever happened to Glen Mellon? I want to buy him a beer.