Anti-social networking and the End of the World

Shawn told me i was being dramatic when i disabled my facebook profile. I was actually trying to escape drama, you see. I had recently been in a situation where I had to look at facebook all the time. It totally bummed me out. It's invaluable as a networking tool for someone who is in a business like I am, but lately I've been thinking a lot about communication and i'm constantly confronted with the idea that maybe this is as much as a hindrance to communication as it has value.
   I've been trying to recover myself lately. Trying to get on a more natural rhythm. To appreciate all the things I do have instead of those which i don't. I desire real communication with my friends. but when I get on Facebook or twitter, all i see are random songs, silly political cartoons that just perfectly back up your opinion on X or kickstarter pleas for money. It's not even original thoughts most of the time, just snippets of stuff culled from the interweb....sometimes funny, sometimes enraging.
I know, you're saying "you don't have to look at it if you don't like it", but like i said I have to use it as a networking tool.
   Real communication relies so much on subtext and body language. The other day I sat with Anthony on his porch enjoying a perfect spring day. We talked, i mean really got real with each other, drank beers and whiskey and when i left I felt stronger, as if i had done something constructive. Not once did he show me a picture of his cat, tell me what he was making for dinner, ask me for money or try to sway my opinion on a political matter. Now, i know I've posted plenty of shit on Facebook before. I understand I am a hypocrite. I've never claimed to be anything more.
   Often times we allow it to influence our emotions. I've got friends who may have polar opposite political views from me, and when they post some shit i deem ignorant, it enrages me. There was this one guy in particular. He would post the most deplorable right wing hate shit. i deleted his ass so i wouldn't have to look at it and i had no respect for him....until one day i ended up at his house....i saw the way he interacted with his family and the love he had for them. and i gained that respect back. all this shit is surface level, and i guess i'm trying to get below the surface. It's easy to swim in the shallow end, after all.
I've had grown men get butthurt when i didn't message them back in time, or i didn't accept their friend request or i deleted them which has now become the most insulting thing you can do to someone, worse than pissing on their mom. Some dude i never talked to in high school wanted to talk shit to me and tell me i thought i was too cool because I didn't accept his friend request. The truth is, if i see you out at a bar, i'll talk to anyone, but i really don't need to know every mundane detail of your life and you don't need to know mine and you've just proven yourself to be a whiny little bitch and I don't care anyways.

    The other day, when i got back on Facebook from my little break, i posted something to the effect of what I'm saying now. That it was such a nice break, that i was back begrudgingly, that i was going to do some deleting and that i don't care about pictures of cats, what you had for dinner or your kickstarter campaign. One of my "friends" got so offended by that, proclaimed i was "too cool" for Facebook and deleted me. I would like to thank her now.
Because the truth is, I've had a rough couple of months. I've been forced to take stock and try to find what makes me happy. And I desire real, honest, deep communication with the people i care about. I want to sit on your porch and drink beers and listen to the world and know what makes you tic. I don't want to miss real life while i have my head buried in my phone just to hear how stoked you are about the Grizz game. Facebook is not real life. it's a sham. a cheap imitation.

During the time I didn't look at it I would wake up with my thoughts, and go through the day without being bombarded by useless information. It's the same reason I don't watch TV. All that stuff effects you emotionally whether you want to be conscious of it or not, and I'd rather focus on what's really important.
   I also feel it may make us take each other for granted. If we are always a click away we may be tempted not to reach out to each other in an honest and meaningful way.

I've been trying to get on a natural rhythm with the earth. Since i moved to the studio, i have to walk my dog 3 times a day and every day I walk to the End of the World.
The End of The World, as I heard some kids call it back in the day, is this big hill right in the center of midtown. It's where, once upon a time they had this horrible plan to cut I-40 right through the heart of midtown. When i was younger, there used to be these bridges on the hill that just stopped....unfinished interstate ramps and you could sit on the edge of them and dangle your feet off and look west at the city skyline. We used to ride Gabriel's go cart up there back in high school. Now the bridges are gone and all that's left is a grassy plateau one block long and one block wide. As I walk there every day i notice the grass growing a little more each time, i see the little scrub trees trying to establish themselves. I see a hawk often, perched on one of these low trees. At night it's significantly cooler up there and i can look up at the moon and look down at all the houses and at the Sears building and it's beautiful and quiet up there. I watch my dog as he flops through the brush, legs and tail and ears and tongue all working independently of one another as if he has no control over any of them. I sit on this scar on the earth. a bad idea unfinished. The wrong road, begun but never fully traveled and I watch as nature embraces the scar and utilizes it for life. and i ask it, whatever it is to take my scars and use them for the sake of life.