Regaytionships

To preface, let me just say that yes, i know in the title I cleverly placed the word gay within the word relationships. Yes, I did use the word gay in a somewhat negative context. Let me just say that I fully support homosexuals and treat them equally as I would any other human. I fully support the idea that same sex couples should have every right as any other. In fact, I think gays should get tax breaks. Yep, you get rewarded for not increasing your carbon footprint and increasing the worlds population. Gays have more money to spend anyways since they don't have to spend it on children, we could stabilize the economy like this! and help the planet! I've never understood why people are against gay marriage because marriage is gay anyways.
  I'll go one further and say that I wish that 95% of the other men on this earth were gay. Then I would have less competition for women and there'd still be some dudes around for the grenades, the sea turtles and the land beasts. 


   But please, I'm asking all my gay friends, just let me have that word. I like calling stuff gay. It's not like I use it in the MOST negative connotation. It's not like I say "Hitler was totally gay". But look, until recently in the 20th century the word meant something totally different and we gladly gave the word over to you. If someone asks me how I'm doing today I can't say "I'm feeling really gay today, Steve!" because that translates into "I want a throbbing cock in or near me"! Lots of words have different meanings, so if I could please go on using it that would be great. thanks.


   Onward to my topic. It seems that most of the problems in the lives of people I know stem from relationships. Problems with, the lack of, one that they can't seem to end, somebody's cheating, not enough sex, fighting etc, etc, etc. I must say that I have found a great peace in my life and I'd like to share with you how.
  
 For a while now I have made the joke "I don't care anymore like Phil Collins". A reference to his the first track from 1982's "Hello I Must Be Going" album. I said "I don't care anymore" so many times in jest, that one day it just burned itself on my heart. When I hear about relationship problems that people are going through, I can usually relate because my relationship career ran the gamut from beautiful to ugly, meaningful to stupid. I've been through long term, short term, shallow, friends with benefits, cheaters, liars, fighting and boring, but now I have this disconnect...it all seems so foolish to me.
   The only thing you can count on in this world is that you can't count on anyone. People are fickle. They change. They get bored. They get tempted. and all that's OK. We're all fallible and there's a beauty in that. Why do people set themselves up for failure by saying "I'm gonna want this person all up in my face forever and ever amen"? I've always said "Never say never or forever". The worst part about marriages failing is that people had to make a spectacle out of it. If you feel so perfectly aligned with someone that in your heart you feel like you'd die for them and never leave them why not do that shit quietly, then if you change and fail it's not so bad. It's like all those people who have straight edge tattoos. Straight edge for life? yeah right.
   I think as a culture the need for marriage is phasing out. People have options nowadays. you can survive as a single parent. So why go through all that hullabaloo? Just live together til it aint cool anymore, then you don't have to fuck with the law, you don't have to give anyone money and you don't feel like a failure.


"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."- Albert Einstein


   I tried and failed so many times I think it would be insane to try anymore. I had some amazing times with some great people. I learned volumes about myself through my relationships and especially through my breakups...maybe more through the breakups. I was always so afraid to let go. Fear was the greatest motivator. I didn't understand that you don't have to possess someone to appreciate them. People are like sunsets, all the more beautiful if you just bask in them while they're here and not lament when they're gone. There'll be another one tomorrow.


In fact I think the stupidest I've ever acted in my life was over relationships ending. Fucking crying an shit? Acting like it was the end of the world, feeling like I wanted to die. I look back now and can't believe I acted like that or felt that way. Time gave me perspective and now I couldn't see things any other way.


   "But Christian", you may be saying, "This girl is special. Her vagina is made of hope and wishes. It has different rooms. It's another portal to Narnia. Elves and unicorns live in it. The elves bake warm cookies and your dick squishes into warm, chocolaty cookie goodness". How much is your fear based on sex? Haven't you learned yet that sex is easy? That anyone can get it at anytime? That often times it's not worth the fear of disease or the drama that goes with it or the fact that you have to hang out with them afterwards? I challenge you, guys and girls. next time you're on your way to hang out with someone of the opposite sex, pull over to the side of the road and rub one out. Just masturbate on the side of the road. I assure you when you're done you'll be thinking. "wait...I have all this stuff I need to do". But, if you still want to hang out with them, you may have something special there. I can't stress enough, once you realize that sex is easy then it won't be your motivating factor anymore. I've proven to the world that I can get laid...now what? How about making something of yourself?


   After the last relationship I had I was bummed for a year. A fucking year! But you know what I did? I made movies, wrote songs, went to the gym and did a host of other things I wanted to do. I worked on myself mentally, physically and spiritually until I found that peace, that completeness. It's like my friend's song says: "watch what I can do today. I'll climb a mountain, forge a river, cross the steam. I'll show 'em all today". Now I think about how much time I would've wasted watching movies, making dinners and eating ice cream. I don't have time for all that shit. I'm not looking to waste time. I've got a world to conquer. I don't get to wake up and do exactly what I want to everyday and I need to relentlessly try to remedy that. Last year I acted in 9 film projects, directed one, played a load of shows, wrote music, gained 20 lbs at the gym and did a shitload of other selfish shit. Not one time did I have to entertain someone, make someone feel special, hang out with someone's family, listen to someone's problems, deal with someone else's drama, tell someone where I as going or have someone all up in my face an shit.


  And how much of your fear is based on pride? You want to break up with someone and do and everything is fine until they fuck someone else or you even think about them fucking someone else. Then you try real hard to get them back. You can't possess people. And why would you want to? They all have expiration dates.


Everywhere I look I see people settling for less. I see people struggling to hold on to something that's not working. I see people unhappy. I see people jumping from one relationship immediately to another. Why is everyone so scared? I used to get lonely, but now I have no time. Worlds don't get conquered by people snuggling up to their special boo and eating pie.


And all the people that accuse me of being feelingsy? Generally they're all involved in regaytionships. The proof is in the pudding, and I'll have myself another bowl of I-can-do-whatever-the-fuck-I-want-pudding while you eat your same-motherfucker-up-in-my-face day-in-and-day-out-hold-hands-and-watch-tv pudding.